Archives for the month of: May, 2011

Unfortunately this episode is the start of a plot thread which I find UNUTTERABLY TEDIOUS, which is to say, Grissom’s deafness. However it gives only the faintest glimmer of what will become, over the next season, a seriously hackneyed subject. The hint at hand comes through the unfortunate death of this deaf kid, squashed ‘neath the uncaring wheels of a ‘large truck or SUV’.

Run over

BRUTAL

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... 'hate breaking bad news to the family'

The CSIs’ investigation leads them to an unlikely pair of criminals, one of whom appears to be around 10 years old (and who is the first yoof on the show possessed of that fabled plot device/motivation to conceal a crime, ‘a scholarship to Duke’) [edit: apparently he’s also familiar to viewers of One Tree Hill. I’m not one, so can’t comment…]

Mean kid

He has a kind of Gareth Gates look going on

and the other of whom is not only Kenny the houseboy from Edwardian Country House

Evil Kenny

Kenny?

Ken Skelton

Kenny!

Mr Edgar betrayed

but who possesses a set of headlice to rival even my six and a half year old self.

Headlice

Ming

Diary

'I had 37 headlice. It was the most!'

Grissom lice comb

Truly, a fine achievement

It also introduces them to this absolutely terrifying lady

Angry deaf lady

Righteous indignation - the same in any language

whose fear-inducing eyebrows and hip-hop dance moves

Hip hoppery

"Wicky waa" - as I believe all the kids are saying these days

have even Sara snapping into line.

Sara Sidle salute

Don't MESS with the PROFESS(or lady)

And finally, of course, it has Grissom whapping out his own sign language supermoves.

Grissom signing

This one means 'your eyebrows look like tiny beards on your forehead'

In a speedy rundown of other important news, Catherine demonstrates some of her most fabulous faces as she becomes frustrated by Grissom’s absent-mindedness…

Catherine Willows shocked

"I don't always want to be second banana...

Catherine Willows outraged

... I could probably do your job...

Catherine Willows smug

... I KNOW that I could do Ecklie's."

… and Greg is modelling possibly his worst outfit yet.

Greg Sanders fashion disaster

White trainers, black trousers, orange shirt? Survey says, UH-UH!!

Greg Sanders bad shirt

It's not even all one shade of orange!

It makes this exchange with Warrick and Grissom particularly intriguing:

Greg: I’m the man!
Warrick: Why? What’d you do? Let me guess… You ran a DNA profile from the blood on the dead guy’s knuckles and you got a match?
Greg: No.
Grissom: You ran a DNA profile and something very distinctive popped up?
Greg: Not quite.
Warrick: You made it out of bed and you dressed yourself?
Greg: No.

NO? Does he employ a STYLIST? Does his MUM (Mom) still dress him? The people need an answer!!

Finally, there’s another Olde Technologie moment as Nick listens in on the heavy metal music a gunshot victim was pumping…

Nick Stokes headphones

It's got a ROCK SOLID BEAT

… on his handy Discman.

Discman

Hahaha what now

Nick Stokes

No seriously, wot?

Oh dear! This is a sad episode about a dead baby!

Upset Mum

Babymamma. Pretty sad.

Catherine Willows maternal empathy

I weep for you! And for all womankind!!

As it’s one of this season’s better episodes plot-wise I won’t reveal what happens but suffice it to say that none of the family to whom the baby belongs comes off too well, as the investigation probes the HIDDEN SECRETS OF THEIR PAST.

Concerned Parents

Concerned parents

Concerned brothers

Concerned brothers

Grissom freaks everybody out by getting super-emotionally involved in the case.

Grissom levitates

Also by levitating

He Does. Not. Like. a dead baby

Non PPP

Thin lipped face of doom sez: "This situation is TOO SEVERE for a PPP"

Patented Petersen Pout

"Well... maybe"

and he starts shouting at all the CSIs when things get tricky, to varying effect.

Nick Stokes whut

Nick: shocked

Greg Sanders scared

Greg: afraid

Warrick running

Warrick: running slowly on purpose so as not to make Grissom look bad

There’s also an excellent Inappropriate Grissom moment when the baby’s body is discovered.

Baby foot

Grissom: Stand back.

Grissom graveside

Fatty McGlasses: Well we gotta have the pictures - the coroner will be all over us.

Grissom camera

Grissom: I'll get the pictures.

Inappropriate Grissom

Grissom doh

FAUX PAS

Ahem. Anyway Sara has a word with Grissom about his reaction to the case

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "Maybe I am getting too emotionally involved"

and soon he is back to his old incisive self. Though that doesn’t stop him calling on the seriously dubious psychiatrist again, who has another winning insight to provide.

Psychiatrist

"in some cases women have been known to kill their children as a way to pay back a spouse."

In other news, Warrick has been investing in some bad sunglasses of his own

Warrick Brown sunglasses

Oh wait they're not as effortlessly cool as I hoped

Nick carries out an ‘unscientific whiff test’ (something about the phrase just tickles me) and the lab’s own Fatty McGlasses, who seems to be the go-to guy on handwriting and other documentation, is back. I wouldn’t mind him but he seems to be permanently grumpy.

Fatty McGlasses

What do you expect? EVEN GRISSOM CAN OUTRUN ME.

I seem to start every single one of these updates with a reference to the CSIs’ love lives, and essentially this one is just the same: Catherine and Greg have got exciting new haircuts, Grissom enjoys the feel of a young body in his arms, and Sara and David are flirting… AGAIN.

First things first, however, and the A-case (the one that opens the episode) is jeopardised by the WRATH OF MOTHER NATURE when a serious downpour sets in just as the CSIs arrive at the crime scene. Luckily there’s a handy eyewitness around to let them know exactly what went down.

Justin Green

Huh. He seems pretty SWEATY AND GUILTY. Guess that's just the rain...

Deceived by his blue eyes and delicate cheekbones, the team launch a hunt for the killer which takes them, via a third victim (who provides Grissom with a frisson of physical excitement, as her corpse falls out of a stolen car)…

Falling body

Caught you!

Grissom: Well, I haven’t felt that in a while.
Brass: What’s that?
Grissom: The element of surprise. (OR, A YOUNG WOMAN’S NUBILE FLESH)

Grissom surprised

THRILLED TO THE CORE

… to her flat, where Nick does some hilarious hacking…

Nick and Grissom

Worried that Grissom, rejected by Terri, is transferring his affections

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "Did we really log into her online banking with the username 'Jessica' and the password 'money'? Good thing people here in 2001 don't know how the internet works!"

… then through an incredible 3-way realisationface…

3 way realisationface

Oho! Aha! Ihi!

… and the inevitable crime scene re-enaction…

Re-enactment

Where's Catherine with the Polaroid camera when you need her?

… to a bit of climactic laser-pointing from Grissom…

Grissom laser pointer

"You'll note that for the genuine Petersen Pout the lips have to remain together, though slightly projected from the face"

… and finally RIGHT BACK TO WHERE THEY STARTED.

Guilty CPR

GUILTIEST. CPR. EVER.

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "Doh!"

Meanwhile, Greg is working the Hoxton fin

Greg Sanders

Fran from Travis: the thinking chemist's style icon

and Catherine, with a schmancy new haircut of her own

Catherine Willows short hair

Going all-out with the glitzy clip

is bickering/flirting with the district engineer, as she investigates a building which has inexplicably collapsed.

District engineer

Hate the bickering...

District Engineer

... LURVE THE FLIRTIN'

Catherine Willows hard hat

Even more, lurve the hard hat. WORK IT, sister!

As I already implied in my tantalising opener, Catherine isn’t the only one flirting, as Sara and David exchange amused

Sara Sidle flirt

Amused

/longing

David flirt

Longing

looks across the body of Grissom’s surprising victim. It seems to put Sara in a good mood, anyway, as she gives this random, helpful but chubbly knife expert

Knife man

Knife to see you, to see you...

the biggest smile I have ever seen her produce! Hurrah for a Sidle full of delight!

Sara Sidle smile

Radiant like the frickin' sun

Still, for all that Sara, Catherine and Greg are looking their best this episode (I’ll be charitable and say nothing about Grissom) (oops, too late), we all know whose arms I’d rather be in.

Nick Stokes and cat

Come on, people. It wouldn't be right for me to finish an update with a picture of anyone else.

This episode opens with a robbery on the Crappest Shop Ever. It’s called ‘The Cracked Kiln’. Even the name is crappy.

Crappy shop interior

Mostly it sells artificial flowers, ceramics, and geese

Crap shop interior 2

... also, gnomes. Lots of gnomes

Anyway for some reason people love to break in and empty the safe (seriously – the dialogue at the beginning establishes that MORE THAN ONCE, a burglar has decided that this warehouse of junk is probably harbouring a nice meaty stash of cash). This time, however, is different; not only has one of the robbers been killed, but fingerprinting around the crime scene turns up traces of a girl who was kidnapped as a toddler, 21 years before.

Her parents are thrilled to know that she’s alive

Eager parents

Thrilled

but unfortunately things turn sour pretty quickly, as it turns out that Melissa (their daughter) is also Tammy (the dead guy’s daughter)

Tammy Felton

Dad's dead! ...at least, one of them is

… and (worse still) it looks like she murdered her kidnapper. With a radioactive gnome.

Radioactive gnome

GUILTY! Guilty like a spoon

(spoon joke)

Nick Stokes radioactive

Nicky, a little bit worried about his radioactive hands. Bless

A quick visit to the psychiatrist confirms that, because she was kidnapped at age 4, Tammy is now definitely a sociopath

Psychiatrist

That is SCIENTIFIC. FACT.

and LO, before long she is skipping out on the bail for which her parents have remortgaged their house (wonder if they used Eddie’s broker?) to run off with her dad’s old partner in crime, whose only real attraction seems to be his luxuriant seventies moustache.

Darren Hansen

And THAT'S how you please the ladies (take note, Nick of Season Six)

The psychiatrist’s verdict isn’t the only bit of bad science going down in this episode. Sara and Warrick are investigating a woman who burned to death in her armchair

Sara and Warrick

She took a bit of the ceiling with her

and Sara is CONVINCED that it’s a case of spontaneous combustion.

Warrick Brown sceptical

Warrick isn't

Of course, they end up burning a pig to find out what went down.

Torched pig

POW!

Sara Sidley shame

Bummer. Not gonna go down in scientific history after all

At least David the coroner loves her.

Warrick: You’re just siding with Sara because you’ve got a crush on her.
David: No; that’s why I wore a clean coat.

David loves it

So fresh and so clean, clean

He is not the only one getting his flirt on this episode: Greggo has some lovely lady on the end of the line

Greg on the phone

Me? I'm wearing a hideous shirt. That's what I'm always wearing.

and Grissom’s turgid love life sees a flicker of movement as Terri arrives to draw pictures of missing Melissa.

Grissom and Terri

Look at him, quivering with excitement

Unfortunately, she is soon smacking him down as only she knows how.

Grissom: Since I screwed up our last date, will we ever have dinner again?
Terri: Oh, we’ll have dinner. Just not together.

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "BURN"

What else. The Patented Petersen Pout appears to be catching

Sara Sidle pout

PFP?

… at sometimes inappropriate moments.

Catherine: He’s covered in spores!
Nick:

Nick Stokes pout

*pouts*

Don’t worry, Nicky – Catherine might not be impressed

Catherine Willows

... err...

… but I certainly am!

Nick Stokes hot

You knows it

Well, it’s a rough day for the ladies and NO MISTAKE.

Roughest day of all surely goes to Pamela

Pamela in a coma

Pam! Wake up, Pam!

… who has been raped and left for dead, and who ends the episode in a permanent vegetative state. Aaaaand, whose plight I am about to belittle for the rest of this entry, with petty comparisons to lesser problems. Sorry. BUT THAT’S JUST HOW I ROLL.

So, Sara has a rough day because she ends up bonding with Pamela just a little too much (NIASW). Basically, she has no other friends.

Sara Sidle sad

Just look at that sad Sidle face

Listen to yourself, woman! Even Grissom is worried

Grissom: You max out on overtime every month. You go home and listen to your police scanner, or read forensic textbooks.

and his only hobbies are riding rollercoasters, and pouting.

Pouting on a coaster

Sometimes he does both

Sara’s woes aren’t helped by that Olde 2001 Technologie.

Sara on a computer

If I was making that face it would be because I'd been playing Diner Dash for 4 hours, or something equally HIGH TECH AND EXCITING. Like Farmville. (I don't really play that... any more)

Old database

Apparently this is what the missing persons database looked like, in the days before anyone invented the search function. Personally, I'd like to know more about 'Big Bam Bam', who likes 'beating on elderly people' and wearing 'Channel No. 5'

Meanwhile, I’m sure we can all guess who is the source of Catherine’s problems.

Will Ferrell

WILL FERRELL, YOU BASTARD

Oops, I mean

Eddie

EDDIE, YOU BASTARD

What has he done now? Only taken out a second mortgage on their house! He doesn’t even live there any more!

Catherine Willows pissed off

I agree, that IS seriously shoddy behaviour

When Catherine confronts him, he promptly one-ups himself by producing the worst line of dialogue yet to grace CSI.

Eddie: The only thing I robbed you of was good sex.

Catherine Willows shocked

Say what you mean, why don't you

Essentially: Eddie is pretty much the root of everything crappy in Catherine’s life.

Catherine Willows bad shirt

Except this shirt. That one's all her

Warrick compromised

At least she can cheer herself up by taking compromising pictures of Warrick and this expensive artificial body

Meanwhile, guess who’s feeling perky?

Grissom

Grissom, the happiest mouse

It’s only our old mucker Gil Grissom, who makes a speciality this episode of looming helpfully between the ladies and their problems.

Grissom looms helpfully

Unhand her, sir!

Sara and Pamela

Unhand her, Sara!

It’s just a shame that Sara isn’t more appreciative.

Sara: I wish I was like you, Grissom. I wish I didn’t feel anything.

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "I have feelings too! Feelings about ROLLERCOASTERS"

Tough gig, Gil. Tough gig.