This episode opens with a robbery on the Crappest Shop Ever. It’s called ‘The Cracked Kiln’. Even the name is crappy.

Crappy shop interior

Mostly it sells artificial flowers, ceramics, and geese

Crap shop interior 2

... also, gnomes. Lots of gnomes

Anyway for some reason people love to break in and empty the safe (seriously – the dialogue at the beginning establishes that MORE THAN ONCE, a burglar has decided that this warehouse of junk is probably harbouring a nice meaty stash of cash). This time, however, is different; not only has one of the robbers been killed, but fingerprinting around the crime scene turns up traces of a girl who was kidnapped as a toddler, 21 years before.

Her parents are thrilled to know that she’s alive

Eager parents


but unfortunately things turn sour pretty quickly, as it turns out that Melissa (their daughter) is also Tammy (the dead guy’s daughter)

Tammy Felton

Dad's dead! least, one of them is

… and (worse still) it looks like she murdered her kidnapper. With a radioactive gnome.

Radioactive gnome

GUILTY! Guilty like a spoon

(spoon joke)

Nick Stokes radioactive

Nicky, a little bit worried about his radioactive hands. Bless

A quick visit to the psychiatrist confirms that, because she was kidnapped at age 4, Tammy is now definitely a sociopath



and LO, before long she is skipping out on the bail for which her parents have remortgaged their house (wonder if they used Eddie’s broker?) to run off with her dad’s old partner in crime, whose only real attraction seems to be his luxuriant seventies moustache.

Darren Hansen

And THAT'S how you please the ladies (take note, Nick of Season Six)

The psychiatrist’s verdict isn’t the only bit of bad science going down in this episode. Sara and Warrick are investigating a woman who burned to death in her armchair

Sara and Warrick

She took a bit of the ceiling with her

and Sara is CONVINCED that it’s a case of spontaneous combustion.

Warrick Brown sceptical

Warrick isn't

Of course, they end up burning a pig to find out what went down.

Torched pig


Sara Sidley shame

Bummer. Not gonna go down in scientific history after all

At least David the coroner loves her.

Warrick: You’re just siding with Sara because you’ve got a crush on her.
David: No; that’s why I wore a clean coat.

David loves it

So fresh and so clean, clean

He is not the only one getting his flirt on this episode: Greggo has some lovely lady on the end of the line

Greg on the phone

Me? I'm wearing a hideous shirt. That's what I'm always wearing.

and Grissom’s turgid love life sees a flicker of movement as Terri arrives to draw pictures of missing Melissa.

Grissom and Terri

Look at him, quivering with excitement

Unfortunately, she is soon smacking him down as only she knows how.

Grissom: Since I screwed up our last date, will we ever have dinner again?
Terri: Oh, we’ll have dinner. Just not together.

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "BURN"

What else. The Patented Petersen Pout appears to be catching

Sara Sidle pout


… at sometimes inappropriate moments.

Catherine: He’s covered in spores!

Nick Stokes pout


Don’t worry, Nicky – Catherine might not be impressed

Catherine Willows

... err...

… but I certainly am!

Nick Stokes hot

You knows it