Archives for the month of: March, 2012

This episode sees the return of our Big Bad Friend from Season 1, Paul Millander! It’s a complicated one so HOLLLLD TIGHT.

Paul Millander

Back... FOR BAD! Mwahahahaha

You may remember Millander as the one that got away: also the one who left cryptic messages which Grissom and Catherine managed to interpret in near-psychic fashion (“a dove… he wants justice!“). This episode, he gets off to a rollicking start by murdering a kindly guy who picks him up on the freeway

Hitchhiker

At what point did this seem like a good idea?

and leaving a CRYPTIC MESSAGE (remember the dove) on the guy’s face.

Twoface

Notice that the dude has gunpowder on one side of his face

Grissom: He’s telling me he’s going to show me both sides.

1. I call bullshit!

2. What does that even mean?!

Anyway in much more interesting news, turns out that not only does Millander like to murder guys whose birthdays correspond with the date of his father’s death (really? do people really do this stuff?) but the dates are counting down in DESCENDING ORDER (17th August 1959, 58, 57) – and guess whose birthday’s August 17th 1956? (Making him a grand one week younger than my own parents?)

Sara (to Grissom): Catherine briefed us about your birthday.

Birthday Grissom

Yeah and YOU BETTA BE BAKIN', beeeyatch

So that’s pretty weird and it all gets weirder as the janitor from Scrubs appears, pretending to be a traffic cop,

Kevin Yarnell

I'm sad they didn't incorporate a JD-style fantasy sequence for Grissom at this point

and refers Grissom and Catherine to a court room where Millander is apparently working as a judge. OR IS IT JUST A DOPPELGANGER?

Millander judge

The annoying thing about doppelgangers is that MINE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME

Grissom shocked

... wot

Despite the fact that Griss gets banged up in the cells for causing a fuss in traffic court (so not cool, Gilberry), the kindly twinkly-eyed banterful judge extends a dinner invitation to his ugly house

Floral house

Grissom (lying through his teeth): "You have a lovely home."

where Grissom gets to meet the judge’s weird adopted son, Cregg. (N.B. he might in fact be called ‘Craig’… but I like to think that he’s named after CJ from the West Wing.)

CJ Cregg

A hero to us all

Mrs Mason and Cregg

ESPECIALLY TO THIS LITTLE DUDE (or his mum, I guess)

The best thing about Cregg (apart from his name) is his preternatural aptitude for capturing the Patented Petersen Pout.

Cregg Creevey

He Colin Creeveys Grissom at dinner

Patented Petersen Pout

... YOUUUUUU BEAUTAAAAY

Anyway so after that weird little interlude things ONLY GET WEIRDER, as a quick trip to Mommy Millander’s

Mummy Millander

Hi fans

turns up some unexpected background on Paul.

Catherine Willows pink bedroom

*my maternal senses are tingling* Boys... don't... have... pink... bedrooms...

Pauline Millander

ALERT, GUYS! WE GOT A GLEN OR GLENDA SITUATION HERE!

Oh yes. Turns out Millander was born intersex – to the world’s most inconsiderate parents.

Millander: The doctors told my parents to raise me as they saw fit. Unfortunately, they disagreed.
Grissom: So, you were a girl when you were inside the house, and a boy when you were out in the world?

I’m not a qualified psychologist or anything but even I can tell you that’s probably gonna result in some serious issues.

Pauline Paul Millander birth certificate

Who seriously calls their child 'Pauline Paul'?!! (Also: I think this is a major continuity glitch: I'm sure Sara or Catherine says "there's no evidence of Pauline's existence" - and specifically says about birth/death certificates - so what is this???!)

Lucky for Paul that if he had the world’s worst parents, he apparently also had the world’s best surgeon.

Pauline Millander

Going in...

Paul Millander young

... coming out

Errr now don’t get me wrong because the absolute last thing I want to do is take the piss out of transgender people, who have a difficult enough time of it, but I watched My Transsexual Summer and it was a much less efficient process than this. Anyway this seems a good point to note that on one level, this episode is just another instance of CSI’s total inability to handle LGBT issues  without making the people into outrageous stereotypes/total criminals. Bad. Bad bad bad.

And what happens in the case? Welllllll I don’t want to give too much away so let’s just say that Grissom has a birthday twin! yeah-eah.

Additional notices (sorry this is such a badly-structured entry but if I spent any more time trying to tidy it up, it would never ever get published and we’d all be that much further away from Season 2 Episode 19 which frankly is what I’ve been building up to for some time):

1. There is a new title sequence! Incorporating a sexy picture of Action Man Nick with binoculars to replace the HORRIBLE picture of him with weird buggy eyes shining a light into the troll tourist’s eyes from the pilot episode.

New credits Nick Stokes

Thank YOU ... credits designers (whose job even is that?)

2. Catherine’s empathyface is tested as never before when Mommy Millander walks in on her poking around in her daughter’s bedroom without permission – and then lets on that Pauline is ‘dead’.

Catherine Willows guilty empathetic

*feeling guilty but also reaaaaaally wanting to show that I'm feeling your pain*

3. If season 1 was the season of Greg’s Bad Shirts, I think season 2 is the season of Nick’s Ugly Jumpers.

Nick Stokes bad jumper

Exhibit A

4. This hat.

Catherine Willows hat

Oh Catherine. Oh no.