Archives for category: csis eat

Whilst the main storyline in this episode is fairly standard in several ways, the B-storyline (the NICK storyline) is almost up there with the cannibal nutritionist episode in the batshit crazy stakes. It also features a truly cringeworthy moment, quite a rarity in CSI and almost a neverity (?!!) for me where Nicko McStokes is involved. SAD (BUT, AWESOME) TIMES INDEED.

Before I get into the plot of the episode, however, let me reassure you all that the deeply unsettling wardrobe shenanigans that Greg put us through in the previous episode (viz, wearing a T-shirt) are a thing of the past. PHEW.

Greg Sanders

Every inch the ladies' man

Greg Sanders bad shirt

The shirt exposed in its full, lab coat-less glory

Once you have finished appreciating Greggo’s unique sartorial choices, you may notice in that second picture that Sara’s hair is doing what I like to call ‘a Hermione’.

Hermione Granger

Ms Granger?

Sara Sidle bad hair day

Ms Granger!

In fact, Sara and Hermione have lots in common: i.e. their concern for less powerful creatures (gorillas/house elves), their total swottiness and occasional (related) annoyingness, and best of all their fundamental badassity.

Patented Petersen Pout

Grissom, sadly, bears absolutely no resemblance to Ron

Pinkface Sheriff

The Sheriff is ginger, at least, but that's all he got

As per usual, the sheriff’s appearance bodes ill for Grissom (he just doesn’t deal well with authority, does he? maybe not totally dissimilar to Ron after all). There’s been a murder on a building site

Grissom hard hat

Hard hats all round!

but not only is the project a new ‘jailhouse’ (in Brass’s terminology, though it just makes me think of Elvis), which the sheriff is itching to get finished; the guy in charge of operations (and Grissom’s initial suspect) is one of the sheriff’s closest friends. In fact, he was best man at his wedding.

Grissom and Brass

Gee thanks Brass for your timely warning/WORDS OF UNHELPFUL DOOM

Grissom and Warwick contemplate space travel as a means of dealing with the situation

Weird space chapel of rest

I'm joking of course this is just an insanely futuristic looking funeral home

but luckily, just as it’s looking like Grissom will get fired (which hasn’t happened for, ooh, at least 2 episodes), this handy Muppet-face man interposes himself

Muppet Guy

Just me that thinks he's muppety? I suspect not

and turns out to be GUILTY LIKE A MASSIVE GREAT LADLE so Grissom doesn’t have to arrest the boss’s friend after all.

Grissom does his nails

Lucky for some!

In fact, he not only has time to do his nails during the interrogation session (above) but also to indulge his baser urges:

Grissom (to Doc Robbins): Tell me about his testicles.

Grissom (to Sara): Can I have your pickle?…

Grissom pickle

... Ahhh, that's a nice one"

The pickle thing is not only part of a bonanza of CSI-eating moments (you know I love them so forgive this quick tour:)

Sara Sidle sandwich

Egg salad sandwich for Sara...

Nick Stokes hot dog

... hot dogs for Catherine and Nick...

Doc Robbins pie

... and what looks like some kind of reheated crumble for Doc Robbins (it's the remains of his anniversary dinner, dontcha know).

Grissom looking in the fridge

NOTHING FOR GRISSOM, THOUGH! (flashbacks to his binge-eating childhood, again?!)

… it’s also the sequel to a weird and (frankly) unconvincing experiment, whereby Grissom demonstrates that a guy’s blood is electrically conductive because of its unusually high levels of iron.

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "Love a haemoglobin based power source"

Wot. EVEN I who am far from being a scientist and haven’t studied biology for almost 10 years know that blood is always electrically conductive! it is basically made of water AND WE ALL KNOW YOU SHOULDN’T DROP A TOASTER IN YOUR BATH! Bad science, Grissom… verrrry bad indeed.

Nick also has a bad science/Southern doofus moment during the identification of an angora blanket:

Greg: Cheese, milk, sweaters. What do these things have in common?
Catherine: Goat cheese… goat milk…
Nick: Goat… sweaters?

Goat in a sweater

Cut to what's happening inside Nick's brain

Nick Stokes thinking

All this confusion would be avoided if Americans would just use a possessive construction like everybody else

However, the far and away the worst science this episode (if you can even call it science) is practised by this lady, not an evil nutritionist but an evil THERAPIST (and also, Mary Alice from Desperate Housewives! which is weird because the guy who played her husband on DH was in a previous episode).

Creepy Doctor

In CSI, nothing is more evil than alternative medicine

Sinister therapist

Notwithstanding her existing advantage, this lady likes to up her sinister quotient by dressing all in white

Essentially, some weird business with an ‘angora birth canal’

Nick Stokes 'bitch please'perpetrated by therapist lady and this (subsequently regretful) mother

Dead boy's mum

That's either guilt, grief, or SHEER UNBRIDLED LUST in her eyes. And given that it's Nicky Stokes who she's looking at, I think we all know where to place our bets.

lead to the rather unfortunate death of a 14 year old boy. Catherine is empathetic…

Catherine Willows empathetic tears

I weep for you! and for all womankind!

… Nick isn’t.

Nick Stokes angry

YOU BASTARD

In fact he goes a bit psycho with rage (especially when he thinks that the therapist is in fact a rapist) and it’s when Catherine gives him a talking-to about this that the moment I find so uncomfortable occurs. Nick randomly reveals that a babysitter subjected him to an unspecified sexual assault when he was nine.

Catherine Willows guilty

NOW you feel pretty awful, huh Catherine?

HORRENDOUS. I have been trying to work out why this bothers me so much, when I’m fine with Nick getting stalked, kidnapped, held up at gunpoint etc, and even with Sara’s much more lurid story about her own background. It’s not the acting: Marg Helgenberger and George Eads do it really beautifully (so well that it made me reconsider the way in which I sometimes dismiss the level of acting ability necessary for CSI)

Nick Stokes crying

Of course, George Eads does everything beautifully

… but the quality of the acting actually makes it worse, as you find yourself moved by what I think is actually a fairly cheap and ill-thought-through inclusion in the service of introducing some random emotion. It feels SO gratuitous. Unlike Sara’s horrible history, which you do feel influencing her in a lot of her actions and decisions, I don’t feel like this incident has much to do with Nick’s behaviour. OK so he gets super involved in cases involving child abuse, but most of the CSIs do; most people would. And this babysitter thing is Never Mentioned Again. It’s just a kind of plot device hauled in to add additional drama to an already decent episode; which feels to me like a bit of an insult to those people who did have to deal with this kind of thing in their childhood and who are genuinely dealing with the consequences every day. BAD WORK CSI WRITERS (and that’s not something I am often called upon to say!).

Well I’m pretty thrilled because the title of this episode is a reference to a 19th century body-snatching scandal. As a student of Victorian literature I am ALWAYS ON THE LOOK OUT for ways in which I can work CSI into my academic life so this is just MORE WEAPONRY in my METAPHORICAL ARSENAL. Yeahhhhh.

Grissom: Remember Burke and Hare? The two nineteenth century Scottish bodysnatchers, who made a living intoxicating innocent victims and suffocating them? Made a living selling their cadavers to teaching hospitals? Got away with it, too, until a medical student discovered his fiancee on a slab.

Grissom perky

Fiancee-on-a-slabface

However: Grissom’s version of the story is (surprise surprise) not quite accurate; the stuff about the fiancee on a slab is totally made up (but extremely reminiscent of my PhD topic text, The Mysteries of London) and he leaves out the fact that Burke and Hare weren’t just selling the bodies to teaching hospitals, they were working directly for a particular doctor with an interest in anatomy. I would say CSI missed a trick with this one in fact as there’s room for some interesting debate about the relationship between crime and science and about the scientific detachment associated with this kind of anatomy and that often attributed to Grissom… but I can feel this getting incredibly long-winded so I’m going to leave that there. FOR NOW.

Nick Stokes puppet face

Here's Nick doing a freaky face. If that hasn't reclaimed your attention then I don't know what will

SO. Outside my happy world of nineteenth century hangups, what’s going down in Las Vegas?

Tony Braun

Tony Braun, that's what

Yes, it’s Tony Braun, well-known heroin addict and financial JEANIUS, son of casino mogul (prick up your ears, folks, this one’s a keeper) Sam Braun, one-time lover of Momma Willows and avuncular buddy to Catherine.

Sam Braun

A face that only a mother (specifically, Catherine's mother) could love

Tony’s dead alright, but whodunnit? The glamorous (money-hungry) girlfriend?

Sexy swab

Sexy swabbing: this is definitely a CSI trope. Remember how Nick first met Kristy right back in the pilot...??!

The neglected little brother? (he has the probable best line of the episode, during this exchange with Grissom:

Grissom: Would you mind if I took a photograph for my bite collection?
Walt Braun: Whatever rubs your Buddha…)

Walt Braun

LANGUAGE IS MY TOOL

The slightly dodgy ‘old friend’ who leads the CSIs to a bunker full of silver in the middle of the desert?

Desert bunker

Smells guilty in here alright

Dodgy pal

Gosh I don't even know what you mean I AM SO LEGIT IT HURTS

Ritton angry wife

... although maybe I did a little swabbing of my own (hence the angry wife)

Well obviously it all gets BLOWN OPEN by the CSIs during the course of the episode… but that’s not what I’m here to talk about! No way! I’m more interested in Coffeegate, Nick being every animal’s best friend, and Warrick pissing off lovely Mandy the fingerprint technician.

So, in the order that I gave them to you then: Coffeegate, as it unfolds.

Grissom grimace

This coffee tastes like sweaty balls (I'm paraphrasing here)

Greg Sanders running

*Chariots of Fire*

Greg Sanders coffee

DO NOT DRINK MY LUXURY COFFEE, MADE FROM THE EYELASHES OF A THOUSAND VIRGINS

Grissom coffee

Great coffee, Greggo, thanks so much

A shocking abuse of power, as I think we’ll all agree. (Meanwhile, let’s have a moment of appreciation not only for Greg’s shirt, but for his chavtastic hairstyle.)

Greg Sanders ghetto hair

Why yes I do have wavy lines shaved across the side of my head

MEANWHILE in hotass Stokes news, Nick has made friends with Tony Braun’s doggies.

Nick Stokes dogs

Yes, eagle-eyed viewers, those ARE new glasses but for some crazy reason the director of this episode decided not to use any close up shots of them. I know, WTF, we get anatomical detail of a dead guy's nose but NOTHING of Nick's hot new frames. Rubbish.

Following on from his cuddle with a cat in $35K O.B.O., I would take this as CONCLUSIVE PROOF that he is loved by all who encounter him, whatever their species, gender or sexual orientation.

Nick Stokes cute

And with those PUPPY DOG eyes (arf arf) I can well understand it

Warrick, on the other hand, is doing his level best not to be loved by Mandy the fingerprinter, who I slightly love.

Warrick: Well, that’s easy for you to say. All you do is scan prints all day and hit ‘enter’.

Mandy fingerprints

I agree, he definitely needs a smackdown

Come on Warrick, have some respect why dontcha!

Final bit of news (apart from this random picture of the CSIs eating)

CSI meal

I don't know why I always feel compelled to screencap this kind of activity, it exerts a weird fascination

is a line from Brass, with accompanying explanatory hand gestures which only serve to alert the viewer (i.e., me) to the fact that he’s straining to avoid the obvious (hilarious) mishearing.

Brass: Based on your pupes I could take you in right now.

Jim Brass

Based on your WHAT NOW?

Patented Petersen Pout

First PPP of the season sez... "I didn't know we were running that kind of a joint"

So this episode is about LOVE. It starts with a nice doggie finding a bone in the desert

Doggie

Errr... thanks Lassie

so then Catherine and Grissom have to get the cadets out to find all the rest (it must be so boring being a cadet, the only time they appear is when they have to search an enormous area of desert for something relatively tiny).

Cadets

It's a hard knock life

The bones turn out to belong to the husband of this nice old lady

Old Lady

Chopped up body, you say? I only popped out for hairnets and catfood

… who initially tells them that he’s out shopping.

Grissom licks a bone

Tastes fishy to me... oh no, rocky. It tastes like a rock.

Anyway that all ends very ambiguously. Meanwhile Warrick and Sara investigate the murder of a male dancer (obviously I would have a hotstuff picture here normally but when I started freezeframing he turned out to be weirdly veiny and it creeped me out). They get to interrupt a wedding party

Wedding

Most unsuccessful wedding since Jane and Mr Rochester swung by

and the bride (from Wisconsin… always an indicator of Idiot Tourist Syndrome) is one of the first characters to learn the lesson that ‘What happens in Vegas…’ is just something people say and not, in fact, an indication that the Strip is some kind of alternate reality.

Sad bride

Sorry love (geddit? LOVE!)

What else. Greg’s cracked out another excellent shirt (and is cracking onto Catherine – I love it when this happens. I wish she would really respond in a big way. He wouldn’t know what to do. She is TOO MUCH WOMAN for him to handle).

Greggo

Is that made of denim?!

Speaking of handling women, lovely Terri the clay-handling anthropologist has returned.

Gil Grissom

Yeah and I bet you ARE pleased to see her

Griss busts out his best lines, as usual

Terri: Well, maybe you two don’t need me after all.
Griss: I would never turn away a scientist of your talent.

(Doesn’t seem a million miles away from David’s attempt to chat up Sara, but more successful here…)

Terri

POW! Grissom knows how to please a lady

Terri doesn’t bust out her best lines…

Terri: I have to apologise for not returning your call last month.
Grissom: Terri, I admire your dedication to your work.
Terri: Dedication to my work didn’t keep me from returning your call.

… ouch! Nevertheless, Grissom wheedles his way into dinner at the end of the episode.

Grissom and Terri at dinner

Actually I already ate... A ROCK.

It’s all going so well until Grissom gets a call about two decomposing bodies in a crack house… nothing ruins a date like an urgent entomological mission. Oh well.

I knew this episode was going to be better than the last one when this happened in the first five minutes:

Nick Stokes topless

Let me hear you say "YEEEEAH"

Sara (on excellent form in this episode) has it spot on:

Sara: (To Warrick) Fine suit. (To Nick) And just… fine.

She does the ladies a further favour when she criticises Nick’s shirt (once he’s got it on).

Nick's hideous shirt

Sara says this is 'hideous' but I think it's better than the previous ep's Chandler look

Greg Sanders

Now THIS is a hideous shirt

Nick Stokes topless... again

Oh wait. I see what she did there.

Woop and, indeed, woop. In fact there’s a further bonus lurking in store later along in the episode as Warrick gets in on the shirtless action:

Warrick Brown topless

Yeah yeah yeah corruption of the federal courts etc etc

It’s part of his vengeance against Crimplene Shirt Judge who has been trying to get Warrick doing his dirty work again… and let a multiple rapist go free. Huh. It’s almost as if the writers wanted to make the morals absolutely black and white, or something. IT’S ALMOST AS IF THEY DIDN’T TRUST ME TO TAKE AGAINST CRIMPLENE SHIRT MAN JUST ON HIS BAD FASHION AND LIZARD LIKE EYES.

Anyway so in the main plot Grissom and Catherine investigate a woman who died in a lake. There’s some banterous stuff about trying to find a boat – Grissom gets out a massive paddling pool to recreate the scene and Catherine just goes out looking for it – but also a badness happens when Catherine lets slip to the woman’s weirdy husband that she was having an affair with a friend – who the husband immediately assumes is to blame for the death. He’s not, but it all ends rather badly.

Dead guy

Oops

Petersen Pout

The Petersen Pout sez... "I told you not to get emotionally involved in the case."

The reason Catherine messes up is because she feels bad for the guy being cheated on – because HER ex, Eddie, cheated on her – and there’s an unexpected moment which suggests a kind of outside-work friendship between Grissom and Catherine that I don’t remember getting properly followed up at any point.

Catherine: When Eddie was cheating on me, I sure wish somebody would’ve said something.
Grissom: You mean me?
Catherine: Who else?

Maybe I’m wrong and it does crop up again. I’ll keep my eye out.

In the B-plot, Sara and Nick investigate a fraternity murder. It involves a dude with a phone number written on his penis, which Nick finds a little bit uncomfortable.

Nick embarrassed

Face of man-meat embarrassment

Sara doesn’t.

Sara Sidle grin

Face of amusement at Nick squirming

Aside from all that shizzle (and this horrendous frat boy)

Fratboy

"My Dad's a top defence attorney"

my discerning eye has, erm, discerned a weird food theme running throughout this episode. The frat boy dies choking on a piece of raw liver. Grissom and Catherine identify the dead woman’s lover by following her stomach contents to a local seafood restaurant. And the CSIs just CAN’T. STOP. EATING…

Brass and Catherine eating burgers

Brass and Catherine opt for takeout burgers

Nick Stokes burrito

Nick goes for a microwave burrito (Sara: Junk food and radiation... good combo.)

Grissom eats Chinese

Ever the showoff, Grissom has the chopsticks out

Greg Sanders Ben and Jerry

aaaaaand the people's pathologist (he's actually a chemist but it doesn't sound so good) Greg Sanders plumps for a lovely pot of Ben and Jerry's. Yummo.

So, there’s that. Also of note? Grissom’s nicknames for Greg. He debuts two in this episode and I like them both: Professor, and Butch.