Archives for category: GSR

Unfortunately after last week’s enjoyable smellfest this week’s episode is pretty mediocre. It feels like the writers (let’s name and shame: Elizabeth Devine and Andrew Lipsitz – both regular contributors) were more interested in the setup than in the payoff; unlike the tight theming of the previous episode, this time neither story feels cohesive.

That said, there are still some things to be enjoyed. This is CSI after all!

So, the main plotline begins with this guy, Cliff, aka ‘nose man’ (Sara), aka ‘the Schnoz’ (Grissom), ‘expirating blood from his nose all over his apartment walls to get back at his manager’.

Bloody wall

Exhibit A

Jim Brass grossed out

Yes you're right Jim, that IS disgusting

Cliff

Cliff is unrepentant (also, looks like a fat Charlie from Busted)

Charlie Simpson

(sorry Charlie)

Confusingly (disappointingly?), Cliff turns out to have done nothing wrong, beyond being kind of gross; but JUST BY CHANCE a crime HAS been committed in the neighbouring apartment.

Grissom realisation face

My spidey-sense is tingling! (aka, realisationface)

Room 101

The number on the door should probably be a clue this guy is up to no good

Thank goodness Grissom is able to save face by stumbling fortuitously upon an unrelated criminal proceeding!

Dead woman

Also, this gnarly-looking corpse (to borrow a phrase from last ep's emergency dude)

Maybe you can see why I wasn’t that overwhelmed with admiration.

Nick’s storyline feels similarly halfhearted. He and Catherine are, briefly, excited to be confronted with a scuba diver unexpectedly roosting in a tree. He’s the ‘rocket man’ to Sara’s ‘nose man’.

Scuba diver in a tree

The stuff of (urban) legend

However, all too soon it becomes clear that the guy wasn’t scooped out of Lake Mead by firecopters (as Nick spends a few minutes energetically hoping):

Nick Stokes disappointed

Nicky: he can't handle the truth

rather, this is a much more straightforward story of Friendship Gone Bad.

Jolly lawyer

Also of Matt Damon and Kiefer Sutherland's evil lovechild, and his lawyer, friendly George Bush

Zzzzz! It’s like a less exciting version of the spontaneous combustion story from the previous season. With that in mind, all the excitement this ep does have to offer comes from the CSIs’ romantic relationships… and most of all, from Greg.

So: GSR alert as Sara ‘wipes some chalk’ off Grissom’s face, in a lingering moment of desire.

Grissom and Sara romance

Ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyy love... my darling... I HUN-ger for... your touch

Grissom intrigued aroused

"I'm intrigued... AND AROUSED"

Unfortunately for Sara, she has to compete with this guy:

Griss: Either Paul or John.
Sara: A Very Important Beetle?

Grissom beetle

A true look of longing

By the end of the episode, Grissom is turning down breakfast with Sara (AND NICK! crazy fool) to spend more time with his new friend.

Grissom beetle friend

Gotta take your friends where you can get them, especially when you're Gruesome Grissom I guess

Catherine meanwhile is pumping our old pal the district engineer for information (hahaha pumping BET THEY’VE DONE THEIR SHARE OF THAT [too far?])

Catherine Willows kiss

Willowz meanz bizniss

and letting Greg off lightly when (in a moment of giddy madness) he refers to her as ‘Cat’.

Catherine: I’m going to forget that you called me that.

Greg Sanders sorry

Sheepish (a little bit)

Greg Sanders coffee

On the other hand, it's apparently fine for her to call him 'coffee boy' (alongside Nose Man and Rocket Man, part of the world's weirdest superhero supergroup)

I love it when they flirt. But the best romance of the episode? One I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved in… come on people, SOMETIMES THIS STUFF JUST WRITES ITSELF.

Cath: I just talked with your partner – you’ve been working this case without me, huh?
Nick: ?
Cath: Greg SANDERS?
Nick: Let go of my Greggo! He’s a CSI wannabe.

Let go of my Greggo? I LOVE IT!!!!!!

Greg Sanders bad shirt

Almost as much as I love this ridiculous shirt...

Nick Stokes Greg Sanders romance

... but not even as much as I love this moment! (it's a gif, click it)

So. Good. (Anybody know the appropriate portmanteau for the Nick/Greg ‘ship??!)

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This is the final episode of season one! DRAMA! Never fear, C.S.I. Love you will provide a Special End of Season Celebration Post to mark this momentous time – but first, a full discussion of this first season finale. I’d say it’s a bit of a cracker, particularly for the way in which it incorporates many of the top aspects of the season as a whole.

Just to give a quick outline, the thread of the episode is Grissom’s mission (and it is, really, Grissom who’s the main character, as he is throughout the season) (Nick is only the main character in my head)

Nick Stokes cute

SORRY NICK! I mean, in my head... AND IN THIS BLOG. Of course.

to track down a ‘signature killer’, nicknamed the ‘Strip Strangler’ by an FBI agent more media-savvy than our bumbling hero. He’s been brutally attacking women all across town and there’s a time pressure on the team to identify and locate him before he strikes again; as well as pressure from the sheriff, who brings in the FBI agents to ‘assist’ (read: take over from) Grissom.

Sheriff CSI

The luminous ear of indignation

Agent Culpepper CSI

Special Agent Culpepper: not even the best-named man in the episode

Sid Goggle CSI

Sid Goggle: the best-named man in the episode

So: what does this episode include that we C.S.I. LOVE to see?

First off: GSR (Grissom Sara Romance for them as is not down with the acronymz). Culpepper’s cunning plan boils down to ‘baiting’ the killer by having Sara visit a ‘specialty grocery store’ frequented by two of the victims: this actually translates into her hanging awkwardly around a kind of budget corner shop while Dwight from the US Office tries to chat her up.

Dwight from the Office in CSI

Face of awkward Sidle love

Sara Sidle creeped out

Face of 'Are you a murderer or just a bit creepy'

The idea of Sara being used like this? It makes Grissom MAD. (That’s the GSR bit I was talking about.)

Grissom angry

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRissom

Second off: Catherine being more politic than Grissom, and deliberately not taking advantage of it. The sheriff pretty much offers her his job, and she turns it down.

Catherine Willows surprised

I don't know why she's so surprised when it happens all the time

The other old favourites permit a more quickfire approach.

BLAM! Sidle rage at a violent crime against women (see: ep 10, ep 16) .

Sara Sidle damn that guy

"Damn that guy"

BLAM! Olde technologie (see: ep 11); the guy hoovers the crime scene for stray hairs and then takes the hoover bag away with him.

Sara Sidle sad vacuum

If only it had been a Dyson! No bag!

BLAM! Bad Greggo shirt.

Greg Sanders shirt

You may have noticed that this happens in almost every episode

BLAM! Catherine and Greg excellent flirtatious banter (see: ep 6):

Catherine (to Greg): Freakiest semen I’ve seen in a while. Call me.

BLAM! Nicky getting freaked out (this time, by someone hiding in a cupboard).

Nick Stokes surprised

AAAARGH!

Nick Stokes surprised

WAAAARGH!

Nick Stokes angry upset

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??

Bonus BLAM:

Nick: Get outta there… get out of the closet. What are you doing?!

Trapped in the Closet

Ye-eah!

Speaking of which… BLAM! Dubious stereotyping of the LGBT population (see: ep 22).

Hunter S Baumgartner

Hunter S Baumgartner, competitor for Sid Goggle's 'best name' title, noted homosexual, wearer of a net T-shirt and perpetrator of jazz hands

BLAM! A poorly-executed copycat crime.

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "This is a poorly executed copycat crime"

Bonus BLAM: Grissom’s Born This Way t-shirt

Mr Schue Butt Chin shirt

YOU SAID IT, MR SCHUE

Double-bonus BLAM! Comic insight into Grissom’s psyche:

Grissom: It’s like with cake… you’re just going to have a little bit of the frosting and you end up eating the entire plate.

Bruce Bogtrotter

Flashback to Grissom's youth

BLAM! Catherine being badass and saving the day (see: ep 13 but also, the whole season).

Catherine WIllows gunshot

Not actually gunfire but THE BLAZING LIGHT OF FEMINIST SUPERIORITY

Catherine WIllows badass

You said it, sister

Relevant-to-last-week’s-episode BLAM! Peanut reference.

Nick to imaginary girlfriend: I gotta run, peanut. Love you too – byebye.

Nick Stokes caught in the act

What's that? Your imaginary girlfriend is in fact an English blogger from 2011? SOUNDS PLAUSIBLE

And finally… not really a BLAM! Lady in a wizard hat. Yeah, you heard me.

Wizard hat lady

HERMIONE? IS THAT YOU?

The cases this week are marked by Dismembered Body Parts, as these two young ladies

Underwear girls

Good thing somebody listened to their mum's advice about wearing matching underwear JUST IN CASE

are pulled over for speeding… but turn out to have a severed head in the back of their car

Severed head

Why is it the head of a giant boxer??

– and Sara and Nick find themselves investigating a distended, skinless handless footless headless body found in the middle of the desert (standard).

Freaky body

Looks suspiciously like a dish Heston Blumenthal might serve a gaggle of C-list celebrities at one of his Feasts

Doc Robbins doesn’t know WOT THE HELL IT IS

Doc Robbins air guitar

Or maybe he just can't be arsed to think about it given his new interest in playing air guitar

Grissom and Catherine music response faces

(of the music) Catherine: "It sucks." Grissom: "I like it."

but luckily there is A SCIENTIST OF TERRI’S CALIBRE (clue: it’s Terri) around to provide some answers.

Terri the forensic anthropologist

Never fear! the brains is here!

Grissom lustful

BURNING WITH A FIERY LUST

It’s a gorilla!

Crappy Gorilla book

Methinks someone has been swotting from this high-quality publication

Nick is promptly whipped off the case

Grissom: You’re working it alone; Catherine needed Nick. [- WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS?]

and Sara left to deal with this decidedly low priority issue. Animal trafficking just isn’t as interesting as MURDER AND DISMEMBERMENT.

Sara Sidle outraged

Face of outraged vegetarianism

Gil Grissom loves it

Face of carnivorous contempt

You just know that if it were anyone but Sara, Grissom wouldn’t have let them follow up on it at all. (Hence her evaluation: overall, outstanding; ability to prioritise, needs improvement.) Even with his blessing, though, there’s not much she can do but give her (not-so) furry friend a decent burial.

Sara Sidle gorilla burial

Communing with THE GREAT SPIRIT OF THE BEAST

Back in humantown (??!), Catherine is feelin’ feisty

Griss: (re: hacked off head) Do you think a female could do this?
Cath: I could’ve.
Griss: Scared of you…

Grissom scared

PPP sez: "I can't handle the truth"

and Nick has something to prove, after Grissom tells him STRAIGHT OUT in his evaluation that he’s not ready to work cases alone.

Nick Stokes angry

SO ANGRY. SO SEXY.

Much is made of a DUMBASS RIDDLE involving cows which supposedly indicates Nick’s Southern Doofus status as he falls for it:

Grissom: Repeat after me, silk, silk, silk.
Nick: Silk, silk, silk.
Grissom: What do cows drink?
Nick: Milk.

Apparently this is WRONG and cows drink water, but produce milk.

Cows

Errrr NATURE BEGS TO DIFFER

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez: "Nature? I DEFY THEE"

WHATEVS, Grissom.

Nick Stokes confused

Yeah, WHATEVS!

Anyway Nick is spurred on by this harsh assessment of his abilities (about which he doesn’t tell Sara – like the geeky kid in school, she’s desperate to hear how his evaluation went) to discover the KEY PIECE OF EVIDENCE in the severed head case.

Nick Stokes Catherine Willows body in storage

Yay! it's the first instance of the 'body in a storage unit' trope! (N.B. key evidence not in fact found here)

It takes them to this unfortunately-earringed chappie

Bad ear piercings

SORRY LOVE but it's true

and gives Brass a line which I find inexplicably hilarious.

Jim Brass eating a peanut

"Pretty good gimmick they got here: peanuts, toss your shells on the floor, nobody gives a rat's ass."

“Nobody gives a rat’s ass”? Does that really count as a gimmick?!!

Anyway most important about the whole thing is that NICK GIVES CREDIT FOR THE WONDROUS CLUE TO GREG!

Nick Stokes satisfied

SO NOBLE AND SO BEAUTIFUL

This is probably the first step towards Greg becoming a CSI. And he owes it all to Nick.

For those wondering what Warrick is up to (I know I know it’s hard to distract oneself from Stokes and his beauteous jawline, but do spare a thought for Pleo), well, it’s not so much of a change from last week.

Warrick Brown hand down a toilet

Hand down a toilet: the glamorous life of a CSI

Hans Moleman’s grandson is in trouble as there’s been a stabbing at the junior detention unit and he’s the only witness; so Warrick has to sort things out without getting him in trouble for snitching. Two points of interest:

James's bed

Surely it's weird that he should have Warrick's number chalked up in plain view? Isn't that an invite to get harrassed about it?

and this guy, the big bad boy on the unit

Badass kid

Oh so tough

who has the episode’s other most excellent line:

Juvie kid: They answer to me because I’m the macaroni.

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez: "Oh yeah? Well I'm the fettucini mate so WATCH IT, aaaight?"

At least Warrick is rewarded for his toilet tribulations with THE GREATEST PLEASURE OF WHICH ANY MAN MIGHT DREAM.

Nick Stokes topless

BOOM! oh sorry, my mistake - what I actually mean is (of course)

Grissom and Warrick on a rollercoaster

It's rollercoaster time!!!!!!

Well, it’s a rough day for the ladies and NO MISTAKE.

Roughest day of all surely goes to Pamela

Pamela in a coma

Pam! Wake up, Pam!

… who has been raped and left for dead, and who ends the episode in a permanent vegetative state. Aaaaand, whose plight I am about to belittle for the rest of this entry, with petty comparisons to lesser problems. Sorry. BUT THAT’S JUST HOW I ROLL.

So, Sara has a rough day because she ends up bonding with Pamela just a little too much (NIASW). Basically, she has no other friends.

Sara Sidle sad

Just look at that sad Sidle face

Listen to yourself, woman! Even Grissom is worried

Grissom: You max out on overtime every month. You go home and listen to your police scanner, or read forensic textbooks.

and his only hobbies are riding rollercoasters, and pouting.

Pouting on a coaster

Sometimes he does both

Sara’s woes aren’t helped by that Olde 2001 Technologie.

Sara on a computer

If I was making that face it would be because I'd been playing Diner Dash for 4 hours, or something equally HIGH TECH AND EXCITING. Like Farmville. (I don't really play that... any more)

Old database

Apparently this is what the missing persons database looked like, in the days before anyone invented the search function. Personally, I'd like to know more about 'Big Bam Bam', who likes 'beating on elderly people' and wearing 'Channel No. 5'

Meanwhile, I’m sure we can all guess who is the source of Catherine’s problems.

Will Ferrell

WILL FERRELL, YOU BASTARD

Oops, I mean

Eddie

EDDIE, YOU BASTARD

What has he done now? Only taken out a second mortgage on their house! He doesn’t even live there any more!

Catherine Willows pissed off

I agree, that IS seriously shoddy behaviour

When Catherine confronts him, he promptly one-ups himself by producing the worst line of dialogue yet to grace CSI.

Eddie: The only thing I robbed you of was good sex.

Catherine Willows shocked

Say what you mean, why don't you

Essentially: Eddie is pretty much the root of everything crappy in Catherine’s life.

Catherine Willows bad shirt

Except this shirt. That one's all her

Warrick compromised

At least she can cheer herself up by taking compromising pictures of Warrick and this expensive artificial body

Meanwhile, guess who’s feeling perky?

Grissom

Grissom, the happiest mouse

It’s only our old mucker Gil Grissom, who makes a speciality this episode of looming helpfully between the ladies and their problems.

Grissom looms helpfully

Unhand her, sir!

Sara and Pamela

Unhand her, Sara!

It’s just a shame that Sara isn’t more appreciative.

Sara: I wish I was like you, Grissom. I wish I didn’t feel anything.

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "I have feelings too! Feelings about ROLLERCOASTERS"

Tough gig, Gil. Tough gig.

This is a very Grissom and Sara-y episode if you like that kind of thing. They’re handling the central case, the murder of a woman whose body is found out in the desert and whose husband (celebrity guest evil wife-murderer Paul Young from Desperate Housewives [is he actually a wife-murderer in DH? I think that’s a lie. He’s definitely dodgy though]) rapidly becomes prime suspect.

Paul Young

Look at that smug, wife-beaty face

Sara hates a wife-beater of course so gets to have an enjoyable showdown with Paul (or ‘Scott’ as he is calling himself) as he reacts badly to her accusations about him, erm, shooting his wife and dumping the body.

Sara Sidle angry

DON'T MESS WITH IT

Creepy Wife Beater (to Grissom): I told you she was a handful.
Sara: You don’t know a handful!

Excellent line! Sara I love you. Unfortunately after this first rate beginning the case starts to get to her, she ends up sleeping in the office as she is staying so late to work (instance #2 of the ‘Sara is a workaholic’ trope) and then ends up in this GSRtastic exchange with Grissom as he tries to play down her sense of emotional responsibility for the case.

Sara: Do you wanna sleep with me?
Grissom: Did you just say what I think you said?
Sara: That way, when I wake up in a cold sweat under the blanket, hearing Kaye’s screams, you can tell me it’s nothing. It’s just empathy.

Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "I was keen until I heard about the sweating and the screaming. Actually, I'm still keen."

Little does she know that Grissom is working his entomological socks off trying to sort out the insect evidence to make sure Evil Wife Beater Vest goes down.

Gil Grissom

Insect darts: a new pub sport

As usual it takes a Gratuitous Crime Reconstruction to work out what really happened, this time involving Grissom and Sara sitting (presumably for several days) watching a pig decompose. Ahhh, love…

Pigwatch

Like the worst kind of family camping trip

NB Future knowledge alert: this is the incident to which Sara will, in a later episode, attribute her vegetarianism; thus making it ironic (?) or at least significant that at the beginning of the episode, Grissom is borrowing ‘that beef jerky [she’s] always gnawing on’ to feed his bugs with. (I don’t really buy Sara being a big beef jerky eater, given her distaste for Nick’s microburrito, but OK whatevs.)

Meanwhile in other news, Nick’s been on a date (with this lady)

Some bimbo

Obviously, I hate her face

who he is then a little embarrassed to find himself working with on some super-snoozefest missing persons case.

Rollneck jumper lady: We had dinner last week. I thought it went great. You never called.
Nick: That doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to.

Lady. Say it with me. HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. [mwahahahaaa]

Also, Catherine is still getting hassle from child services, who have contacted Warrick to ask about her parenting; luckily, he tells them ‘where mothers are concerned, [she’s] the bomb’. YEAH loyalty, friendship and a little frisson of mutual attraction.

Catherine Willows

And who wouldn't be attracted to this fox?

Unfortunately for Warrick, Ecklie is on the warpath against him

Conrad Ecklie

He just has an unfortunate face

and Grissom has to set Sara tracking his movements all over again. As she finds him on a security tape entering the Monaco (when he should have been in court), it’s not looking good for Grissom’s ‘favourite CSI’. (Really? Maybe that’s why he’s not my favourite despite his obvious hunkliness. In the words of Gretchen Wilson/the whole nation of Britain, ‘I’m for the underdog’…)

So this episode is the CSI version of World’s Most Famous Detective Story (is that true? I feel like it might be) Murder on the Orient Express. Except this is Murder on a Las Vegas Airlines Plane.

Las Vegas Air

It's reenactment time! WOOP WOOP

Some unfortunate guy is dead in first class and none of the other passengers are talking. Adding to the tension? The CSIs have only 12 hours to solve the case before it gets handed over to the FBI… and the sheriff (gunning for a mayoral role?) wants results.

Sheriff

This little piggy wants... someone to arrest

Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "Tough gig"

The episode unfolds much as its celebrity predecessor might lead you to expect; most of the fun comes from the CSIs’ personal reactions to a case which says some not-very-nice things about human nature. What’s nice is that everybody’s working together.

CSI Vegas

This gives me another great idea for a series: CSI GALACTIC

By the end of the episode, Sara, Warrick and Nick are discussing murder, and whether they’d commit it:

Sara: I wouldn’t, Warrick would, and Nick’s on the fence.

Warrick

"If it was between him or me, I could." BAD. ASS.

Catherine also would, if Lindsey was in danger.

Catherine

WHATCHAGONNADO? Sue me?

So, that’s good to know. Also of interest? Some excellent Mile High Club banter between Sara and Grissom, after these passengers

Mile High clubbers

Guilty!

prove to be fairly crappy eyewitnesses after having shagged in the toilet through the whole performance.

Grissom: You know, high altitude increases the entire sexual experience; increases the euphoria.

Sara Sidle

Euphoria, schmuphoria

Sara: Well, it’s good, but I don’t know if it’s that good.

Grissom

"Cite your sources." (Now she's got his attention)

All very thrilling and just like the Agatha version I’d say it’s a pretty memorable episode case-wise. However, whatever the unfortunate events on the plane (there’s a Samuel L Jackson joke hovering overhead somewhere but I can’t quite reach it), the episode contains only two real crimes:

Greg Sanders

The shirt. Of course the shirt.

(n.b. Greggo nickname watch: “Einstein”)

aaaaaaaaaaand

Vending machine

Vendie DISASTER!!!

Sad vendie man

Lou Everett (you bastard) I feel your pain!

I gotta say… this episode is a bit lacklustre. It is the first dud of the show. On the positive side, it includes a woman being buried alive…

Buried alive

For a Victorian literature student like me, this is always gonna be a winner

… but on the downside, the storyline apart from that is less than thrilling. Bla bla bla, millionaire’s wife runs off with personal trainer, bla bla bla… There’s also a B-plot about Hans Moleman’s grandson crashing a car.

Moleman

Hans Moleman?

Hans Moleman

Hans Moleman!

Moleman tries to take the fall, Catherine and Warrick are tempted to let him, but THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH and they have to be honest about it. Luckily the kid gets rewarded with Warrick’s phone number at the end of it. Many ladies would run over scooter-riding little girls for less.

The kid is not the only one getting lucky – there’s a bit of Grissom/Sara action if you’re into that. Below, he’s checking she’s alright after they dig the lady out of the desert; later, she has him duct tape her wrists together in an unnecessary but enjoyable investigatory way. “I love my job,” Grissom tells Catherine. Dirty mare.

Grissom and Sara

FEEL THE HEAT

What else. It’s Lindsey’s birthday

Cake

CSI CAKE

and all the CSIs want to buy her presents. Well, one present. Which, judging by the retro packaging, they seem to have gone back to 1964 to purchase. Maybe Grissom got it off eBay, like the pager reader thing in the previous episode.

Grissom's gift

From Grissom...

Nick's present

... and Nick. Thunder? Consider it stolen.

Nick also seems to have stolen Chandler’s shirt.

Nick Chandler shirt

Hey wait it's not even the nineties anymore

Horrendous fashion choices aside (at least it’s not the hideous grey jumper which appears in later episodes and which I will be treating with the contempt and also the wonder it deserves) Nick is basically the doofus of this episode. He keeps kind of blundering around – he almost makes Brass jump out of his skin when he pops up in his car during a stakeout, he’s left holding the chem sets when everybody else has more important stuff to do, doesn’t really understand how the voice analysis system works, and almost misses the clue to the whole case (until Grissom shoves it in his face). Poor Nicky. He’s better than this!! I know he is!