Archives for posts with tag: crime scene investigation

Standard stuff this episode: Sara’s a loser with no social life, Grissom is inappropriate, Catherine is badass and yet loaded with maternal empathy. And Greg is desperate for the approval of his superiors. JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE CSI OFFICE.

To take the smaller story first, Nick and Catherine investigate the death of a guy who was apparently shot in a hunting accident. Apparently they are also engaged in some kind of fancy dress competition.

Catherine Willows Mime

Qui? Moi? (Catherine has obviously come as a French mime) (all mimes are French, right?)

Nick Stokes Action Man

Can you guess who Nick has come as?

Nick Stokes rifle

Here's another shot to give you a clue (note the jumper)

Action Man toy

Obviously, this is obvious. Nick's whole face (his whole body, heh heh) is an Action Man costume

Nick Stokes Action Man lookalike

YOU GUYZ I'M SERIOUS

ANYWAY enough of my obsession with Nick’s face. Hunting guy has left behind a grieving widow

Grieving widow

Grieving

who quickly discovers a surefire way to get Catherine onside.

Grieving widow: … with the baby and all…

Catherine Willows maternal empathy

Did you say BABY? Wouldn't that make you a MOTHER? I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEEEEEL!

Anyway this is quite a sad little story (except for a brief happy moment where Nick and Catherine model some attractive waders)

Nick Stokes Catherine Willows waders

People say I look like me da (ten points for anybody who gets that reference)

and therefore ill-suited to my CUTTING AND SARCASTIC WIT. So I will maybe leave it there.

Meanwhile on the main storyline, Grissom and Sara are probing the case of two, very different, sisters, both found dead in some pipes near a field. One of them is glamorous and has tattoos. The other one (much to Grissom’s surprise) doesn’t shave her legs.

Grissom baffled

What kind of sorry excuse for a woman does she think she is?!

Obviously, with that kind of weird sociopathic behaviour, one who just likes to stay at home and buy things on the internet. (Actually this might merit a new post category: Internet Weirdos. Anybody on CSI who participates in social media is usually suspect in some way.)

Grissom glamorous ID badge

Gosh Grissom, not everyone can be as UNFEASIBLY GLAMOROUS as you appear to look on your ID badge headshot

Anyway after a brief hiatus of suspecting glamour-girl’s boyfriend, Not Mark Wright

Mark Wright

Mark Wright

Not Mark Wright

Mark Wrong

Grissom is soon set on the right (Wright?) (I’ve overused that one) track, via an enterprising prison governor who has his inmates working shifts on a kind of boutique call centre.

Prison call centre

*Johnny Cash plays as hold music*

Patented Petersen Pout

PPP sez... "This is the kind of shizzle that went down at Shawshank. And that didn't end well for ANYBODY. Except Tim Robbins. And Morgan Freeman."

Seems like dowdy hairy lady ordered herself a MAN as well as some (dowdy, hairy) clothing.

Mail order boyfriend

Mail order boyfriend

Nothing wrong with that (though it’s always risky to purchase sight unseen) but a sudden (Greg-enabled) realisation later

Grissom realisation

BUT OF COURSE!

Greg Sanders pleased

"You've got that look." << It's called a realisationface, Sanders

and (with the help of an open-minded yokel) Grissom is collecting some evidence which doesn’t look good for Mr Mail-order.

Grissom: Mr Willoughby – would you mind if I fingerprint your spigot?
Mr W: No one’s ever asked me that before.

Mr Willoughby

Is this one of those fetish things you read about on the inter-ma-net?

Lesson of the day? The internet is BAD, mmmkay?!

That’s the lesson for the viewer, anyway: Sara receives with a more personal takeaway as HEAVY PARALLELS are drawn between her and hairy internet lady. She realises the similarity herself, as they look around Donna’s house –

Sara: We already know she cooks like I do – takeout on speed dial.

Sara Sidle apartment

Alert! This is Sara's house! Note the many takeout menus on the fridge. (I thought this was our first look in a CSI's home but actually I think we see chez Catherine a few times in the first season)

– but the point’s made more harshly when Nick (somewhat out of the blue) gets on Sara’s case about her obsession with work.

Nick: Sara – you gotta get out more.

Sara Sidle stressed

That was way harsh, Thai!

I feel like this exchange is a bit weird and gratuitous but maybe I am expressing unrealistic expectations about character integrity… Nick is a nice boy!

Sara Sidle answering machine

I mean, he is objectively right. The empty answering machine is an Ancient Symbol of Doom. (What's the 2010s equivalent? An empty email inbox?)

Greg Sanders claws

But Greg agrees, it was uncharacteristically catty. Booo!

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Unfortunately after last week’s enjoyable smellfest this week’s episode is pretty mediocre. It feels like the writers (let’s name and shame: Elizabeth Devine and Andrew Lipsitz – both regular contributors) were more interested in the setup than in the payoff; unlike the tight theming of the previous episode, this time neither story feels cohesive.

That said, there are still some things to be enjoyed. This is CSI after all!

So, the main plotline begins with this guy, Cliff, aka ‘nose man’ (Sara), aka ‘the Schnoz’ (Grissom), ‘expirating blood from his nose all over his apartment walls to get back at his manager’.

Bloody wall

Exhibit A

Jim Brass grossed out

Yes you're right Jim, that IS disgusting

Cliff

Cliff is unrepentant (also, looks like a fat Charlie from Busted)

Charlie Simpson

(sorry Charlie)

Confusingly (disappointingly?), Cliff turns out to have done nothing wrong, beyond being kind of gross; but JUST BY CHANCE a crime HAS been committed in the neighbouring apartment.

Grissom realisation face

My spidey-sense is tingling! (aka, realisationface)

Room 101

The number on the door should probably be a clue this guy is up to no good

Thank goodness Grissom is able to save face by stumbling fortuitously upon an unrelated criminal proceeding!

Dead woman

Also, this gnarly-looking corpse (to borrow a phrase from last ep's emergency dude)

Maybe you can see why I wasn’t that overwhelmed with admiration.

Nick’s storyline feels similarly halfhearted. He and Catherine are, briefly, excited to be confronted with a scuba diver unexpectedly roosting in a tree. He’s the ‘rocket man’ to Sara’s ‘nose man’.

Scuba diver in a tree

The stuff of (urban) legend

However, all too soon it becomes clear that the guy wasn’t scooped out of Lake Mead by firecopters (as Nick spends a few minutes energetically hoping):

Nick Stokes disappointed

Nicky: he can't handle the truth

rather, this is a much more straightforward story of Friendship Gone Bad.

Jolly lawyer

Also of Matt Damon and Kiefer Sutherland's evil lovechild, and his lawyer, friendly George Bush

Zzzzz! It’s like a less exciting version of the spontaneous combustion story from the previous season. With that in mind, all the excitement this ep does have to offer comes from the CSIs’ romantic relationships… and most of all, from Greg.

So: GSR alert as Sara ‘wipes some chalk’ off Grissom’s face, in a lingering moment of desire.

Grissom and Sara romance

Ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyy love... my darling... I HUN-ger for... your touch

Grissom intrigued aroused

"I'm intrigued... AND AROUSED"

Unfortunately for Sara, she has to compete with this guy:

Griss: Either Paul or John.
Sara: A Very Important Beetle?

Grissom beetle

A true look of longing

By the end of the episode, Grissom is turning down breakfast with Sara (AND NICK! crazy fool) to spend more time with his new friend.

Grissom beetle friend

Gotta take your friends where you can get them, especially when you're Gruesome Grissom I guess

Catherine meanwhile is pumping our old pal the district engineer for information (hahaha pumping BET THEY’VE DONE THEIR SHARE OF THAT [too far?])

Catherine Willows kiss

Willowz meanz bizniss

and letting Greg off lightly when (in a moment of giddy madness) he refers to her as ‘Cat’.

Catherine: I’m going to forget that you called me that.

Greg Sanders sorry

Sheepish (a little bit)

Greg Sanders coffee

On the other hand, it's apparently fine for her to call him 'coffee boy' (alongside Nose Man and Rocket Man, part of the world's weirdest superhero supergroup)

I love it when they flirt. But the best romance of the episode? One I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved in… come on people, SOMETIMES THIS STUFF JUST WRITES ITSELF.

Cath: I just talked with your partner – you’ve been working this case without me, huh?
Nick: ?
Cath: Greg SANDERS?
Nick: Let go of my Greggo! He’s a CSI wannabe.

Let go of my Greggo? I LOVE IT!!!!!!

Greg Sanders bad shirt

Almost as much as I love this ridiculous shirt...

Nick Stokes Greg Sanders romance

... but not even as much as I love this moment! (it's a gif, click it)

So. Good. (Anybody know the appropriate portmanteau for the Nick/Greg ‘ship??!)

First episode, first series, weird theme tune (thank goodness they junked it by season 2) and SO MANY NEWS to discuss. The central storyline (by which I mean, the Nick Stokes storyline) involves Warrick and Nick competing to solve their 100th case.

Crime Board

I just don't think you can order these from Rymans

I can suspend my disbelief with probably more facility than most people but I can’t be alone in finding the physical actuality of the ‘Crimes Solved’ board a little bit unlikely. Number one: the 100th crime that Nick and Warrick will tackle hasn’t been assigned at this point in the episode… so how can it be on the board? Who keeps the board updated with newly printed, completed lists? Where do you buy ‘solved’ magnets? I JUST DON’T BUY IT. Luckily, the board is onscreen for less than 3 seconds and so all these questions are rapidly displaced by the SHEER CRIME-SOLVING FUN that succeeds them.

Luckily for Nick and Warrick’s tallies, the writers are really packing it in plot-wise. We see a suicide in a bathtub that turns out to be a murder (this is the storyline that links the whole series so it’s not resolved within the episode); a Speccy White Guy who shoots a home invader not really in self-defence;

Speccy White Guy

Always distrust the Speccy White Guy

a trick-roll which Nick deals with in his own inimitable fashion (charming both the troll-looking tourist victim and the prostitute responsible);

Out of Towner

Outside Vegas, the world is not a glamorous place

a random molestation of a small child who seems to be wearing her mother’s wig;

Bad hair day child

This is not a good look

a liquor-store robbery and some other kind of a robbery, both of which get dumped on (short-lived) new girl Holly and both of which see her end up at the wrong end of a gun. Unlucky. At least she has time to meet the fetal pig before she’s lying in intensive care looking like her time is up.

Fetal Pig

See the fetal pig and die happy - that's what I heard

She’s also relieved of some bodily fluids, pretty damn straight:

Grissom: I need a pint of your blood. It’s customary for all new hires.
Holly: Why?
Grissom: So many reasons.

Specifically (if I understood correctly), this reason.

Head smash

Love a gratuitous recreation of a crime

Warrick asks whose blood it is and Grissom tells him it’s the new girl’s. Isn’t that just a tiny bit INSANE? I know that in later seasons Ecklie starts bitching about resources being tight but surely draining your staff of their blood only to whap it all over office in the course of a single murder investigation isn’t a particularly sustainable way to keep the cupboards stocked, either…?

In any case, it’s a pretty rollicking start. Holly isn’t the only anomaly about this episode: as with any pilot, the writers and producers are obviously testing the waters and there are a whole bunch of randomers knocking around the lab, including this cuddly-looking but disconcertingly lechy coroner:

Coroner

Dirty old man

As Holly runs out of the room to vomit, he comments that she’s ‘cute’. I DON’T THINK SO, GRANDPA.

The other unfamiliar face is this lovely lady

Fingerprint lady

She's a hottie, I'll give you that

– I don’t think we even get her name but it’s evident that Grissom has had more than that…

Grissom: If latex and cooking spray went on a blind date… how would the night end?
Random fingerprints lady: A lot better than ours did.
Grissom: I know. Pink Floyd’s not your thing.
Random fingerprints lady: I have on cowboy boots. I work in a lab. What makes you think Dark Side of the Moon synched to the Wizard of Oz is gonna warm a damn barn?

Yeah Grissom, WHAT ABOUT HER DAMN BARN?

Nick

Now this face would warm all kinds of barns. Or really any kind of farm building.

Maybe he seduced her in his badass glasses.

Grissom in glasses

Veering dangerously close to Speccy White Guy territory

Who am I kidding? Grissom only needs one weapon in his Seduction Armory (TM).

Grissom pouting

The Patented Petersen Pout

The fingerprints lady is just part of Grissom’s (soon to become) uncharacteristic cuddliness. No really, he actually gets involved in some cuddling.

Grissom hugs Holly

I'm sure this would incur sexual assault charges in most workplaces

WOT. This is not the Grissom I know. Luckily for my sense of normalcy there’s one lovely labrat who’s already installed in office: GREGGO!

Greggo

He doesn't look a day over 12

Modelling a particularly unattractive shirt, he gets one of the episode’s best quotables:

‘I’m gonna warn you, though, these mouth swabs don’t always read. Vaginal swabs, no problem. Anal swabs – money.’

Nicktory!

Anal swabs FTW!